Adjustment

Yesterday was my birthday.

The fact that I was having a birthday started to seep in sometime last week. I realized that this would be the first year in about 13 years that I would not be going to the Olive Garden sometime in the month of April with Dean and there would be no homemade Margaretta waiting for me that night.  I realized that the photo business we had and I still have was officially launched on my birthday when he totally indulged my photo habit by procuring all equipment I needed to run a portrait studio. I decided that if I pretended that I did not have a birthday this year that maybe those things could remain happy memories instead of big gaping holes.

My day became filled with appointments and work. I decided that was a very good thing — if I kept busy then it would just be a ‘normal day’. A friend of mine came with me to Galen’s doctor appointments which was wonderful, my parents made a little cake to share with my children presented with a very cool card I will bring to the QiQong studio for all to enjoy, and I received a couple of phone calls and a little gift from friends who somehow remembered.

Still a big gaping hole.

The crazy thing is, I talk to Dean frequently. He lets me know he is well in Spirit, his presence is felt very often. I know he is never far away and yet in this physical form that is necessary for life on this planet it is hard not to long for the physical Dean to be around. This adjustment period in which one learns to live differently. I am sure there is an adjustment for those who pass as well. How could there not be, that is quite the move, really — into a realm where Divine love surrounds completely and where our trueness is completely free to live and grow in that love.

Knowing Death is really a REBIRTH. Understanding, feeling and being able to communicate that fact through he gifts that Spirit offers .. it is beautiful and I am thankful for that every single day. Problem is my incredibly falible human side gets in the way, and wants the human comforts of the physical.

My adjustment has been to move past that. To learn to move past the need for that physical. To know that God is there and He holds all our loved ones in Divine Light — and that we are ALL connected, able to help each other, pray for each other, send positive healing energy and thoughts — none of us is ever truly alone.

Getting my mind, body and spirit to all understand this at the same time — well, obviously I am a huge work in progress.