In the realities of time it is often hard to understand why it is we need to do anything at all. Anything that is worthwhile… and then it begs the question: What is worthwhile?
What is the mission? Why are we here? What makes one decision better or worse than another decision?
I started a blog in 2010 when my husband became diagnosed with cancer. The blog was raw, in the moment, emotional and often a coping mechanism for what was certainly out of my control. The blog was way more for me than for anyone else, although it did do a good job of keeping people informed of what was going on so that the endless phone calls were not necessary.
People started to read the blog that had no relationship to the family. There was a kinship in the sharing of the suffering. On some level it helped some realize that their own life drama was not in a vacuum, and on another level I am sure it was much like a soap opera for some.
I took down a large portion of that blog some time ago. I left up the progress of the family and thoughts after my husband passed, but the drama leading up to the passing no longer seemed relevant. It also did not fit the person I am today.
I did a similar thing several years before that. I was going to school for ministry studies when my first marriage was unraveling. Truth that it had really unraveled years before that, but once I started finding a voice to talk about the things that were troubling me in the marriage, it unraveled rather quickly. There was a class in which I needed to write a biography of sorts. I no longer remember the prompt, but that mini-book ended up being a rather raw account of my life until that point and the lessons I had learned by the age of 27. I no longer know where that writing is either. Sometime during the next few years I decided that the person that wrote that account of life also no longer existed, and the pages did not reflect a true reality.
How many times in our lives are we afforded opportunities in which to allow a different view point of reality? How many times in our lives are we able to say, that really isn’t how I understand my life anymore and I am choosing to change it completely?
I now understand that we really have that opportunity on a second by second, breath by breath basis. How we handle that, and how we are able to handle that given any type of circumstances in which we live is always up for debate, but we do have the opportunity. We have the opportunity to realize that what we are living is a given set of experiences to allow for a greater wisdom of the soul. We are on this planet merely to EXPERIENCE the life that is available. Through that experience we are given a generous amount of opportunities to choose love, peace, compassion, service, and empathy for both ourselves, for other people, for animals, for the planet and indeed for the Universe itself.
In complete honesty, some of the writings I decided to take down from being public and some that I destroyed so that they would never be public were done at the time out of a sense of shame. What if someone found out how completely messed and flawed I was once upon a time? I realize now, that if I am true to the experiences I am having on this planet then perceptions really should affect me and allow me to readjust my alignment with self and Divine on a breath by breath basis. I don’t need to live up to another human’s understanding of what it takes to have a decent life. I don’t need to explain that I realize even some of the things I said two months ago, and in some cases just a few days ago is not my real understanding of my existence now. I am continually processing the experiences into a unique awareness. The processing takes place through plenty of quiet time, alone time, and what one may call meditation time.
I find more and more that there are a great number of people that are aware of the universe in similar ways that I am aware. I find the more I listen, read and go to seminars and help provide space through Bolts of Love for many different voices to be heard and share their understanding of life and their connections with Spirit and the Universe that there are many, many people that feel the same things, yet, the words, the vocabulary, the background experience on how the awareness became apparent are all different.
The commonality is that we are more than we are able to understand in this moment. We are connected to a grander universe. We live with the aid and service of Spirit and Divine who expresses and learns through each and every one of us. There is a continuity of life and it is possible to have a personal experience of that continuity. The Universe and all of Spirit is in service to us as much as we are in service to the Divine. It is all one and yet unique in its expression. LOVE is the underlying ruler of the Cosmos. We learn and have a choice to express this reality through the life we have right here and right now.
Right now.
One of the ways that I help others realize the continuity of life exists is to demonstrate mediumship. I have had several of my teachers remind me that mediums are only as good as the last demonstration. It is a good way to keep mediums humble. It is also a good reminder that it is important to be present, to experience now. We may remember the experiences of the past, but that moment is no longer here and that is no longer who we are. We are who we are in the present moment. We connect how we connect in the present moment. We serve, we love, we offer compassion, we meditate, we make tea, we tie a child’s shoe, we donate to a charity, we listen, we clean, we learn, we are aware …. Only in this breath and only in the stillness that presents itself between thoughts.
There is no shame in the person who I was before, or who you were before. There is realization of where forgiveness and healing may be offered and needed, but that person of the past no longer exists.
The soul we carry, the soul that is connected to the Universe, the soul that is looked after by those in Spirit is a never ending, ever learning, ever realizing presence. The experiences of our person allow the soul who came from complete love, to understand what that love means for it and all of creation. Our lives serve a much grander purpose. Dwelling in the shame of unawareness is a waste of the present moment.
The moment, when seized, is vast. The moment, when allowed creates a rich texture of experience. The moment is one of complete connection to soul and soul to Spirit. There are no words to express the depth of the love available to each and every one of us, no matter the background, no matter the nationality, no matter the economic status. …. Allow, don’t try … the moment is always with you.