Beneficiary is a funny word. I think I only hear it when it comes in contact with someone that has passed and it denotes the person or place that any material/earthly items that are left from a person’s life goes to a “beneficiary”.

I am still sorting out paperwork and trying to understand the legalities of things that I need to deal with now that Dean is gone. Some have been pretty easy, and some make me scratch my head.

Dean had an investment account from before we were married. A statement for that account came some time after he passed and I called them to let them know of the situation and they said that they would send out paperwork.

Yesterday another statement came. Every bit of the account had been withdrawn by the “beneficiary”. Yep. One more thing Dean did not make sure was in mine and the kids name. One more little jab in the side. I have a pretty good idea who the “beneficiary” is who has cleaned out the account — obviously thinking that maybe I would not be sent a transaction confirmation paper.

My first instinct was a heck of a lot of anger and sadness. Then to call a trusted friend and do a bit of venting and advice seeking. I love this friend because the honesty is always immediate. The comment that even though it probably was not legally wrong, it was a bit morally unacceptable. The second friend I told said that perhaps we just were not meant for that money.

I am not even sure it is the money that bothered me as much as that there was one more thing that was not thought about and just one more thing that someone else is trying to sneak past me. I will admit that when it comes to things like this I am nieve … but I do learn quickly.

I have had three other people tell me it is time for a lawyer.

I am not really sure about that one either. Once lawyers are involved it seems that people just stop communicating all together.

I may get to that point, but for now … I think I will keep working on the forgiveness angle. Once lawyers are involved I can see the kids having no relationship at all with some people. I let my older boys make the decisions for themselves and tried very hard to keep family lines open for them after their dad and I divorced. Difficulties I have with one person should not mar their potential relationships with a bunch of people that are their family. I have that as far reaching goal for the little ones as well. Although I must admit I will probably be rather protective of them for quite a while.

It is hard though, when things like this happen that just make your heart center hurt so much that it is hard to focus on what is really important. One important thing was to be sure that the four children were down as my beneficiaries on anything that may have that line to fill out. So legal and moral don’t get messed up with them by someone if I am not here.

Release.
Breathe.
Forgive.
Breathe some more. Lots, lots more.

Beneficiary
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