Gretchen Clark was the speaker at church today. Her main message? We choose what type of life we live and we choose to be happy or unhappy based on how we choose to live our life and how we choose to serve God and how we choose to treat others. WE CHOOSE.
The smaller part of the message? Yes, we believe in God, a power higher than ourselves that helps, guides nourishes and allows us to CHOOSE.
The last part of her message? We can choose to be well. We can choose to accept healing in both regular medical ways and in very spiritual ways. She is a Reiki Master. She is a Spiritual Healer. She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer that, by the time they knew she had it, was in her hips, bones …. she was put on a drug that directly targeted her cancer. This drug allowed her to stay away from the traditional chemo scene. She did have to have an operation, and take the pills, and receive lots and lots of prayers and healings. She did what she was supposed to do — she worked with the doctor and she followed her training as a Reiki Master. She allowed others to help her.
In the middle of her story … I started to feel an incredible sinking feeling. How many blasted people in this world have to deal with stage 4 cancer? How many people have a similar story as Dean.
Then… the part of the story that really hit me in the stomach. As of her last scan, the doctors cannot find any cancer. It has even left her bones. Uh, say that again? You are fine? You were at stage 4, was on a trial drug, and received Spiritual and Reiki Healing and you are all better? She trusted, she believed, she chose to accept the healings, she chose to follow doctors advice and she is cancer free.
This is everything I expected for Dean. I know he was CHOOSING to be well. This is everything I tried to convey, try to accomplish. It was what I had been preaching to him since the day he was diagnosed. The times to the medical QiQong, the acupuncturist, the healings, going to church, taking classes ….. paying more attention to what we were eating … everything. And I was right? It works? So, Gretchen, if it works how come my husband isnt here?
She already answered that. We choose.
What a hard one to swallow. We choose. All the way back to Dean’s reluctance to regular doctor checkups … we choose. I knew she was right. Early on Dean was told the same thing by the complimentary people we went to see. That he could really extend his life indefinitely, even if there was no “cure” by completing the QiQong, by watching what he ate, by accepting the healings, by following what the doctors have laid out in terms of a treatment plan. There were some that said 6-10 years and by then modern medicine may find the silver bullet to cancer. Dean always, always, always tried to find a way around the cancer. Unfortunately sometimes his approach battled against what the doctors had in mind, many times he would not complete the QiQong exercises, may times he said he was not ready for me to have a healing session with him. He, like many, many other people in this world looked for the perfect “pill”, “additive”, and/or “supplement” that he could take to just kill the cancer. It would be very easy to just take a pill and be done with it than remember to do sessions of QiQong every day.
The times Dean did do some of the things I asked him his blood work would come back overly normal. The times he allowed healings his energy was up and his pain in control. When the first drug stopped working, Dean chose with his mother to not follow the doctor recommendation and instead head to Mexico.
As a side note, I realize that by this point, when the drug stopped working and cancer had entered his brain, any real reasoning may have been totally out of the window. I found emails which would contradict himself on the necessity of the trip and what he expected out of it and why he was really going.
So, I have been pondering on and off since Gretchen Clark spoke at church to what extend Dean’s actions chose for him how quickly the cancer took over and caused him to leave this earthly existence. I know he was not ready. I know he was not expecting the stroke. But I also know that he was not taking all the precautions he should have been taking because of his belief that some of the sites on the internet that talk about how doctors do not have his best interest at heart for treatment and that he was better off with certain supplements and “natural” remedies. Some of which were really not overly “natural”. Then when he went to Mexico his entire body chemistry was changed by what they did at that clinic. His blood work upon returning was the worse it had ever been. So, how much did he choose? Does it matter now? And what is the lesson?
I heard say not too long ago that when people are suffering something like cancer that they probably deserve it as karma payback. Could that be it?
Ummmm, No. No one “deserves” to be sick. For some reason the illness is part of their life experience to learn something valuable. But it is not “deserved”
Here is another one… “because of Original Sin we are all made to suffer and illness is a part of that.”
Uh, no again. We were all given free will to GROW from our learning. The the story goes that the first humans CHOSE to check out something for themselves instead of just taking someone’s word for it … even if the person WAS God. … Well, it was a learning and growing experience. I mean, really, do you think humans would have been happy long just being taken care of by someone else and not building and growing?
So, we know that Dean did NOT deserve cancer, but we also know that he had the right to choose his own way through the disease. That was was NOT wrong. It was totally right for him. And he really did live an entire year longer than the doctors told him he would upon diagnosis. The last few weeks of his life here through skype when he was away, and once he was home from Mexico we were probably the most comfortable in our marriage than we had been through his entire illness. I think we both learned what we needed to learn. In a lot of ways I think we are both still learning.
Dean was not wrong, but neither am I. Gretchen is walking and talking proof of that. Everything I said would work did work for her. She, however had been a life threatening experience earlier in her life that allowed her to have complete faith in the combination of “Western Medicine” and “Complimentary Treatments.” Prior first hand knowledge is always helpful. AND her life path is different than Dean’s … she is able to share her story to help others … and Dean’s, even though it has a different ending, can still help others. I know he is helping me every day.
Through his illness he found Spirit. He is living there now. I am not angry that he tried to stay here longer, in any way he could. That he wanted so badly to see his kids grow and that he kept trying said a lot about what was really important to him. That he thought going to Mexico would ensure the kids and I more of a normal life than traveling back and forth to Detroit every month, although perhaps misguided, was very commendable. I still pray that he is learning what he needs and that he has found a sense of peace.
I also pray that he comes by frequently and that I know when he is near.
Help me miss him just a little bit less.