It is in times of complete loss that we are in the most need of the people around us. Not simply for comfort but to know that there is more than the loss. It is very easy to get caught up in the emotion of the loss and therefore get caught up in the spiral that happens from loss. Any loss. Loss is a change in environment. It is a change of routine. It is a change of identity.

Change is one of the hardest things we as humans need to deal with. In change we learn different aspects of ourselves, we learn that there is a way to live despite the change. We learn different routines. We learn how to love in different ways. We learn that we are much more than the loss and that the loss does not define who we are as individual.

We learn all this despite and because of the people around us. Some of the people will try and be very helpful, in their own particular ways. Some will want to listen, others will want to help find ways for you to cope with new circumstances. Others will drift from our lives. They inadvertently become a part of the loss and also part of the new sense of self. We learn that we are not defined by the people that we interact with on a daily basis. We learn that we are not defined by our family and we learn that some friends are to be only with us for a short time. This does not make any of them less valuable. This makes all of them invaluable.

It is in the nature of all types of relationships and how we handle or do not handle them that ultimately defines our reality. Not everyone will agree with us, not everyone will like us, and quite frankly there are some in our lives that will try like crazy to be sure we are not liked by other people. We will find that some rub against our sense of self worth, our sense of decency and our sense of morality. When we understand that we are capable of being all of these things to others as well, we learn about the person we really want to be. We learn what it really means to treat others the way we would like to be treated, we recognize that everyone, everyone … even those who rub up against our moral fibers, are worthy of our respect and our love.

We do not have to be a part of everyone’s immediate world;  we can recognize their right to their personal experience.

We learn a lot of these things in a very visceral way when we are dealing with loss. Everything seems very raw, everything heightened. We are often not our stellar selves and searching for meaning. Sometimes the loss is because of the realization of the disparity in one relationship or another. Perhaps the relationship no longer lines up with how we understand the world.

We need to understand that no one needs fixing, and no one can fix us. All of it is up to us, up to the individual. Each individual has the right to either come into an understanding of self in reference to the Universe, or not. The only way we have to influence another is to live in the way that we understand our own connection to universe and to totally shine that connection and that knowledge. We influence by our actions, and choice of non actions.

It is almost a cliche’ .. but one pebble DOES create an infinite amount of ripples. ALL PEBBLES. Each pebble dropped has an infinite possibility of influencing the movement of the ripples of the other pebbles that have dropped. The ripples have the opportunity to become a dance, a concert of movement, cooperation and flowing beauty. There is also the possibility of disruption, disharmony and waves that create chaos for other ripples trying to make their way from their own individual pebbles.

In this way each and every one of us and each and everything in this universe creates the energy waves, the beauty, the harmony and the discord.

Sometimes we can be the source of our own discord. Sometimes we can get into our own way. Do we accept the change of a loss, do we work with it, do we find a new reality, or do we cling to the knowledge of before. Do we trust that we are strong enough to handle the current or do we stop dropping pebbles completely out of fear of having to change again.

Loss, Change and Choices
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