There has been a lot of items in the news because of the ailing of Thich Nhat Hanh. I have several of his books at home. Full of great wisdom and relentless compassion and love.
I have reminded myself of his teachings recently after seeing his name multiple places. Yet, this morning keeping the peace is not something I did very well.
Cian turned 6 yesterday. In his classroom they keep a birthday journal book in which every child gets to take home, fill out and draw what it is they did to celebrate their birthday. Although we tried to make yesterday special for him his actual celebration is not for a couple of more days, and a special outing with his big brother needed postponed because of the snow storm that blew through here yesterday. So, he was very concerned that he did not have anything to write and draw. I read him the paper and since it said how I “WILL” celebrate I told him it was alright to draw what he would be doing in a couple of days. He wanted to know if he was allowed to draw his Daddy in the picture since he knew he would be there even though he lives in Spirit now.
So, the meltdown about the book was abated, and then came the meltdown about winter clothes.
Yesterday members of the community took some of the children from the elementary school shopping for winter clothes: boots, hats, coats, snow pants and even sneakers. My children were nominated for this beautiful act of kindness and they participated. Crazy thing is I have no idea who to send the thank you note since it was all anonymous donations. I was very, very grateful for the kindness of others in this manner and was taking tags and such off this morning to get them ready to wear since there is a new foot of snow on the ground. Cian started having the most crazy fit. First about how the boots felt, how his pants fit over the boots and then saying how he HATED his coat. The coat acts like two different coats, so he thought he could just wear the inside layer. When I tried to explain that it is layered so that the air between the two layers helps with insulation and keeps him warmer I though we had it made. Then he started pulling and scratching at the coat, screaming and screaming that he didn’t want to wear it.
I must admit I forgot all about the teachings I had been reviewing. Keeping the peace is not the FIRST thing that came to my mind. I yelled back. Told him something about how grateful he should be he had nice things, that other people went out of their way to get for him. Somewhere in the middle of the yelling back and forth his 7 year old brother stepped outside. That simple action snapped me back. Realizing that I was more concerned at that moment about a group of people that I had not met and what they would think if my son did not wear the coat they bought for him to school and that the yelling was adversely affecting someone else in the house. WOW. …. After trying a calmer approach as to what the issue REALLY was with Cian he told me he did not want other kids to laugh at him because of what he was wearing. REALLY?! THAT is what this is all about? This is a kid that just had me put blue colored hair spray in his hair two days in a row and he is worried about what other kids are going to say when he shows up in a bulky snow coat? Where did this come from? Of course I was concerned about what people would think if he DIDN’T wear the coat. Both of us needed a readjustment.
At the same time I am trying to get snow clothes onto one child another is already outside bouncing around in the snow WITHOUT SNOW PANTS — so, he needs to come in for a quick change so he isn’t so completely wet all day for school. He is having a blast, taking in all the newly fallen snow, telling me how the snow on the one table out-front looks like a snow pie and I can’t get the other one even in the coat to go outside because someone may laugh at him for how he looks.
Thich Nhat Hanh reminds people to be totally present in the situation. To bring yourself back to your breathing so that you can see the situation clearly. I finally remembered. Took some time to apologize to the boys for creating more tension than what was needed and that they are loved, unconditionally .. with wet pants, and with insecurities I do not understand. Cian marched off to the bus with one layer zipped and one hanging from his back on the hook that keeps the two layers of the coat joined.
BREATHE! and certainly remember to breathe sooner next time, because there WILL be a next time. Also reminding myself that we get to start over with every minute. I recently saw a post put up by my friend, Selina. it says something like “Shake off what didn’t work out and the guilt that goes with it. What happened does not define you” — What we take away from all the little moments of our life and how we choose to change and grow or not change and grow from them is what really matters.
I also need to remember something my friend Celeste also told me…she told me once that of course my children can push my buttons, since they lived inside this body for nine months they have a pretty good idea where all the buttons are located. I’m in the process of rewiring some of those buttons.
Sending Love.
