I went to a meeting this morning for my 6 year old. He has been struggling at school with behavioral type issues. The issues ebb and flow, sometimes more exasperated than others. I cut way back for a time on how much I was doing outside of the home to be sure to keep some stability with him. I recognized that some of his issues were a type of insecurity. Reassuring him over and over that he is indeed valued, loved and that his mother would not abandon him were very high on the list of priorities as well as redirecting some of his not so socially acceptable behaviors.
I have four boys that range from the ages of 21 to 5 years old. The older two are in college and the younger ones are just starting their school process. They all have their unique qualities. They are all blessings and incredible personalities. They are also a constant reminder of what I need to learn within myself while I am support for them.
The first is that they are their own selves. There are sometimes that something may happen when we are out (especially going out to eat or shopping) that children do not ‘behave’ the way other adults around would like them to behave. There are times when I have heard others say something about my kids or the family, there are times that I have been approached by other adults about my children. Not all of these have been negative. There have been praises, and there have been negative criticisms. I will admit that when I was younger that what others thought about my children I felt directly. I took on that as a success or a failure on my part as the parent and as a person. I found being proud for my children was more valuable for both me and them than being proud of my children.
While I was at the meeting this morning the school psychologist made great pains to make sure that I did not feel attacked and even thanked me on several occasions for the steps I have taken thus far to help my son get through this rough patch in his life. I found it interesting that there was so much care being given to me as well. I appreciated it. Sitting in a room with 5 other people that have a plan on what they think is best for my son at the time in the school setting can make a parent feel a bit overwhelmed and outnumbered. In reading the papers, however, on my son’s “condition” I realized that this isn’t about me at all. Other than the support system, this is part of my little guy’s walk. The first sentence in his “condition” statement is “Galen has experienced the death of his father.” among other concerns he has been listed that depression is a “Clinically significant” and we will be following up with another specialist. He is already receiving counseling services.
Galen needs to go through and work out what he needs to go through. The video above talks about ego, self esteem and even conquering low self esteem. It talks about tying one self’s identity to what he can do or what he has. At this age and at this present time Galen seems to have tied his to his family, and his ability or inability to connect with the immediate people around him. At 6 his emotional awareness and vocabulary is not such that he knows how to express fully what it is that is going on within himself and it manifests in depression/anger and behavioral issues, especially at school. What is most amazing to me is that he is going through this process at such a young age. To be on the path of figuring out that you are worth something and are great just being you and worthy of love without anything else than being you at 6 years old when some people never even step foot on that path is amazing. For me to understand that this is his walk and I am support and protector for his walk and not take on the persona of a hurt and terrible or victim mother is encouraging. Ten years ago I think I may have had a very different reaction and blamed myself or excused it away on what this family went through the past few years … which would have not helped my son at all.
My hope for him is not to become the victim either. My prayer for him is healing and understanding, and professionals that continue to bolster him at this time and hopefully make this part of his life path as short as possible. My thoughts to the Universe include continued awareness and guidance for myself, his peers, friends and his family so that we can be the best support team possible.