Today is a very big day. Lloyd’s marching Band is performing for championships. Bragging rights for the next year and forever for Lloyd as he is a senior is they perform at first place level again tonight, as so far they are undefeated this season.
He came out and showed me the shirt he would be wearing under his official uniform shirt. It is one that was Dean’s. One that he had allowed Lloyd to wear on other “special” occasions, like running his first Indianapolis Mini-Marathon. I found an animated photo of the shirt below. Only on the shirt the Calvin reaching for the toilet handle is on one side and the back side shows him spinning.
Lloyd said he was pretty sure Dean would be watching him if he wore the shirt. Wow. I am sure he is going to be watching anyway and giving Michael pointers on the right way to set up the video equipment.
Really, though, it made me think of how much things that happen in our lives affect us and the people around us, even when they do not say that they are affecting them.
Back to Lloyd … His Cross Country season was not all he had hoped it was going to be. He missed making the district team by only 3 seconds. He had been up and down all season. I knew his last race at regional when he told me how much his stomach hurt him during the race and how it slowed him down … and how his eating habits and sleeping habits have been lately — that his racing was a symptom of grief. Although I know he would never be able to put it into those exact words .. it is there. If I had any doubts it was when we talked about it being a calendar month today that Dean returned to Spirit and that he wanted to wear a particular shirt under his uniform shirt.
We never really know how trials in life, and grief in particular affect people. It is not always visible in a depression or a crying or a sadness. It may be that a person going through a rough time becomes more quiet, or more sincere, or less assuming. If may that a person, like my son Michael, tries to step up and take on more responsibility as a way to cope and show support and love. Other people I know get really moody, defensive..try and push everyone away lest they be hurt any more.
The little ones? I get asked how they are doing a lot. They are little ones. They are crazy clingy and have a complete fit if they realize I am going for a bit (especially Cian). I have to sit with both of them for times of sleep, especially at night and then carry them into bed. But overall, they are acting like regular little boys, full of life and energy and unpredictability.
I lit a candle today in my kitchen with the intention of anyone having a hidden or unseen issue whether it be spiritual, emotional, physical to feel the Light and Warmth that can be there’s just for the asking. Once the light is accepted and receive, the work begins to be sure that it is directed to the correct parts of our lives that need the most healing and influence. Accepting the Light beings in wonders, and health, and a calmness about the world around us — it is also a great responsibility and some work to keep the light from being burned out from lack of humility, thankfulness and honor in knowing the Light it there for us and for others. The only way I can be sure to share the Light is to keep it burning within myself. To keep up with what I need to do, to take care of me. The others may see through the Light in me … and their Light will grow brighter to help those who are closest to them.
So, today I nourish my Light in recognition that I am not the only one feeling the passage of a month’s time. I nourish to allow my sons to feel the light and know it is alright to be who they are … crazy shirt wearing, fun loving, responsible, and unpredictable. I also nourish it for those who are in Spirit. That they know how much we appreciate the guidance available to us from Spirit’s viewpoint, and that each of them take the time to be within the presence of the ultimate Light of Creation to nourish themselves and learn all that is needed in order to pray and help us back here on Earth.