Literally paying for the unfulfilled dream that Dean would beat cancer.
The bills from Dean’s last few weeks on this earth keep coming in. It is like the world finally decided that they forgot that we owed them money for medicine, hospital care, tests, and hospice. I think this is the one that hit the hardest.
Everyone hears about how people do so well on hospice, how sometimes people are “released” from hospice care because the care they receive though the program is done so well and they are able to go to a more of a home care system than hospice. Everyone also hears about how it is free — yeah. IF you are old enough to have medicare, it is free. IF you have been sick long enough and on disability long enough that you are on medicare … it is free. NOT if you are on a COBRA paid health plan. Our insurance has been incredibly good though all of this. They really do take care of A LOT. Which is why paying COBRA was really a lesser evil to all the costs that could have been …. but for some reason only 20% of the hospice bill was paid by the insurance … was considered some type of out of network expense. Whatever. For the two days we were on hospice — it is a lot. Of course we were forced into a situation right away that Dean needed more care than I could give at home and that 36 hour nightmare that ended in his passing — well, people stepped up and helped us and they need compensated.
Something you never think about.
One friend looked though the bag I received from the funeral home, and inside was the bill for the services there. I count little blessings that Dean did not want the “traditional” or it would have been a much greater number on that piece of paper. The comment was upon seeing the bill, “Imagine that, it cost money to die.”
Material world, material things.
The cost of “dying” was not something Dean was comfortable talking about when he was well. We talked about the need to provide for future of the children and such while Galen was a babe and I was pregnant with Cian. We met with an insurance adviser — discussed what we needed to do — and since it was something that was seen as an extra expense at a time when we were literally growing a family .. life insurance was put on the back burner.
Something I am now looking into again — now that I am once again a single mother — now of 4. Making sure each of them have what they need in case of my absence to keep going.
Why is this such a hard thing to think about and prepare? Is it because outside of church services one really doesn’t hear much about what to expect after this life? Is it because death is so feared in this culture that it is easier to just ignore the conversation that meet it head on?
There is a clip from Indiana Jones. He is fighting a monk that has sworn to keep the secret of the Holy Grail. The monk’s comment to Indiana Jones is that he is prepared to die — can Indiana say the same thing. (http://www.wavlist.com/movies/228/ij3-soul.wav)
Being prepared in what way? Spiritually? Emotionally? Financially?
If we are true to ourselves, our path and to God then I would say we would have a reasonable future after life here.
Emotionally? Have we accepted that one day we will need to return to Spirit and go over our life here and learn from our triumphs and mistakes?
Financially? Yes .. even though we take nothing but our experiences, memories and feelings with us into Spirit we do leave people behind that need to keep on going. People that will have to go through the pain of being separated from you and in the midst of that pain may have to deal with things like all the financial loose ends you leave behind. One less piece of crap to allow loved ones to go through.
We will be alright. We always are. I know opportunities will present itself that will allow me to provide for the kids and also take care of the bills from Dean that seem to keep coming in the mail. One more lesson to pass on to others from our experience…. face the irrational fear of crossing into Spirit while you are healthy enough to take care of earthly matters. Spare loved ones the financial toll if you at all are able by getting even the smallest insurance plan. The emotional toll will be enough for them to work through for a while.