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Last night I hardly slept. The littlest in the house has some kind of lovely puking flu.

A few other events happened and I sent the following text to three friends:

“Taking Lloyd to college signups and open house this morning, Cian was up all night with pains in his stomach and pukin’, Oldest is here but half asleep to watch his brothers, Cian thinks even with pukin’ up everything he needs candy and Galen smashed crackers all over the living room. I want a vacation.”

In response I received one friend that was laughing — 

another friend that told me that this too shall pass

the third friend offered to allow me a place to yell if I needed …

I loved each and every response. 

Really, allowed me to lighten up just a little and realize I was being effected more by the lack of sleep than what was really going on around me. That and the fact that I was getting yet another child ready to leave for college.

Where the heck does the time go. What is it that we should really be doing with all that time? Seems like just yesterday that the one heading to college was the one wanting held because his tummy was hurting one evening.Is there something I should be doing for the family, for the children, for my friends that I am not already doing?

A friend of mine subscribes to the notion that we should NOT
… ask yourself what the world needs. We should instead ask ourselves what makes us come alive, because, he says,  what the world needs is people who have become alive — who have become themselves.

I think he is right. 

This morning I really wanted a vacation. 

Instead I did get some time outside away from the house while one of the older children could be home with the little one. 

I was able to share in the pride that comes with being accepted into a college program of choice and starting to fulfill a dream.

I was able to share the moment with friends who, through their individuality and approach to what I said allowed me to see and appreciate the situation for what it really was …. a day that I had all children under one roof … even if just for a little while. 

I still want a vacation. I have talked about my dream vacation to a couple of people including the older boys. We will go. Will be wonderful.

What makes me come alive? 

Staying connected.

Being outside.

Friends.

My family.

Helping others.

Music. 

Photography.

Trying things beyond what I thought I was ever capable. 

Dreams and Goals and knowing they will be reality. 

When we are alive, when we are who we really want to be … that is when we change the world. This is the rock that has been thrown in the calm pool. One rock, one splash creating ever extending ripples spreading the vibration of what it is to the rest of the waters. 

When we are alive we are the butterfly … each tiny flap of the wing capable of creating changes. Tiny change, creates another tiny change, creates miracles — creates all the difference to something else, …someone. 

The largest variable in all of this is ourselves…. our choices. 

Really, in the early frustration of the morning , and the churning emotions of sending another child off into the world as an ‘adult’, and … and…. and …. I could have internalized, I could have sulked through the day. 

I guess I could still be sulking — little one is still sick, still waking frequently crying — choosing to take the opportunity to spend time and offer comfort. This day will only come once. 

I like butterflies. …