I went to a workshop this past weekend in which Rev. Simon James and Rev. Brian Roberton shared their vast experience and knowledge. At one point during the workshop the idea that if we were uncomfortable because of something that was said then we were in a good place. We were challenged to read from many different places and use our own barometers to decide what sits alright in our soul at this time.
At this time is the key. What perceptions do we have? What part of ourselves are we allowing others to see? What is the core of our belief system… about anything? How has that changed over time? Do we allow it to change? Are we of strong enough character to say … well, I have changed my mind.
I know I have changed the way I teach others healing A LOT from when I first started sharing. I know that as my understanding, study, practice and reading grows so does the depth of what I am able to share with others. Healing is not simply a series of steps. Healing is the ability to allow yourself to keep healing as you help others heal — and there is a philosophy and a knowing that far outshines the steps, symbols, and tools that are taught during a healing course.
I am often told that “you only have as many faeries in your garden as you put there.” Meaning that you alone create your own reality and it is up to you to decide what is fiction and what is reality. It is up to you to choose what is really truth and what is there because of our culture, upbringing and personal sensibilities. I often respond that “I like the faeries in my garden.” Which I do, indeed. Although I must admit that I understand the realities of some of those faeries much more than I had before. I understand how they got there, what they mean to me on a sentimental level and why I may choose or not choose to keep some of them around.
This is a hard process. The process of allowing yourself to say that you understand something differently now than you may have understood it before. The process of allowing growth in oneself. The process of removing acting out of ignorance and what we have been told to acting and knowing out of the truth only you can achieve by educating yourself and allowing time with God.
God. The word alone is something I have struggled with over the years. What do you call an Infinite Creator? What do you call a Divine Spirit that is every loving, completely intelligent and ordered and yet is everywhere and nowhere at the same time. The term God for my left my vocabulary for a while. I would use Divine, Spirit, Universe. I knew God was more than the God I was taught about as I grew up. I knew that I had made a connection and an understanding that went way beyond the vision of God as Santa Clause separating people into who is good and who is bad categories. I saw through the eyes of friends who follow many different faith paths that there were many, many human names for God and in an effort not to offend those around me I changed my own vocabulary.
I changed my own vocabulary about death as well. It was put to us during the workshop that if we were going to be dealing with people in grief and with Spirit itself then perhaps the euphemisms had to leave. People die. People have a new life in Spirit after death, but a death does take place in order to get there. Something in light of Dean’s passing I think I was unwilling to really accept, even when I serve Spirit on a regular basis to help others who have had family members die. Dean is dead. One more faerie in my garden transformed. Although uncomfortable, certainly one that needed transformation.
Seems that I am in a constant state of being uncomfortable lately. I have been working on editing a book in which the caretaker’s point of view during a family illness is presented in an effort to not only help others with situations similar to the one that happened in this family but to also further facilitate healing on my end. In going through that I have been very aware of how much I have changed over the past four years. I realize how much more about human nature I know now that I had not even considered before. I have had many relationships redefined and although sometimes they are a huge readjustment, I can see where each and everyone is a precious learning experience as well as a chance to love though all situations. I understand that God was never not present but sometimes I have removed myself from that state of grace because it may have been more comfortable on a human level to do so.
Appreciating the reminder this weekend that it is alright to be challenged, to have to contemplate, research and think about what is the truth in this Universe.
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