Today is a blustery, snowy mid-January kind of day that causes one with young children to be on her toes coming up with new wonderful things for little people to do indoors and it is in reality the day before Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving has been traditionally one of my least favorite holidays. Growing up I would sit and eat with the family and then inevitably be ill. I remember going to bed feeling awful while everyone else did whatever they were doing for the rest of the day after the dinner. It was not until I was 30 that it was determined it was the additives, hormones and antibiotics in the food that caused me to be ill on a day filled with so much food.
Later, Thanksgiving was a time for me to remember that I did not have a ‘real’ family. My older children would trade holidays being home and going with their dad. The no children years were hard for me. During this time Dean and I started dating and on the ‘no kid’ years he and I would find things to do, little trips, movies etc. One of the best Thanksgiving trips was a year the boys stayed home. We went to the Columbus Zoo which was all lit with holiday lights, ice skated, went to the movies and Dean had a meal prepared that was one I could eat without feeling ill.
The absolute best Thanksgiving weekend was in 2009. That was the year Dean and I took what was then 1 and 2 year old Galen and Cian to Disney Land to meet up with Michael and Lloyd who had traveled there with the high school band. Michael was drum major that year and Lloyd in the drum line. Their band marched in the Disney Parade and performed in Downtown Disney. We did all the proud parent activities, filmed, videoed and took little kids to see everything that was available to ones so young.
As I thought about these things earlier today I realized that I really have no memory of Thanksgivings and very little of the Christmas seasons since 2009. It is all a blur of Dean being ill before last year and last year me not wanting anything to do with any holiday without Dean.
A lot has happened since last holiday season.
You Tube does not seem to have a copy of the Reality Tour version of “Under Pressure” but the link above will do if you do not know the song. A song about people being under pressure, in whatever form the pressure takes. Everyone has their issues, problems, illness, complaint, worry …. pressure. The song builds and builds until the line “Give love one more chance”.
Just when you think you can’t go any further, sing any higher, yell any louder, hold any more pain, depression, grief, insecurity, anger ….. pressure … it is time to “Give love just one more chance.”
One never moves on after being under pressure… only forward. The lessons, the memories, the time period will always stay with you. It is what you do with it and how you handle it that defines if you have allowed love to help guide onward. In my case allowing love and companionship was not something I thought would have been possible after having a spouse return to Spirit. Some of my journey in allowing love to have one more chance is in allowing for a romantic love to blossom. Very grateful for the understanding, trust, sincerity, patience, tenderness and love that has been shared. Grateful for the connection and potential for mutual growth.