This is an Easter Photo, but is the most recent one I have of my grandmother.
My grandmother lost her husband about 18 months after a dementia diagnosis. My grandfather died two days before my own husband passed after being ill for two years with cancer.
I never thought about until today how much we had in common in those two aspects of our lives.
She is an 87 year old woman that told me today that going to the doctors sometimes seemed like her full time job. I was with her today when she had some testing done and a young man that was helping with her tests asked if he could have a moment of her time to check some of her vitals. When he left she looked at me and said — “He’s a cute one.” The funniest thing about the exchange is that I was saying the same thing at the same time she was so it made both of us laugh.
She asked me about all my children and how everything was going at home. She wanted to be sure I was alright and had money coming in and was working. She asked about other members of the family and then started to talk about her own. She is one of 9 siblings and several of them have now died and she has another sister with Alzheimer. One sister just died a couple of weeks ago and she was unable to get to the services for her. She was sad about this and also said, “You just never know when it will be time to go Home.”
She reminded me that family can be difficult, but to take the time anyway. Then she said again…”you just never know.”
I realized while she was talking that I had been avoiding this type of conversation with my Grandmother. To visit her like this meant that I would hear how she really isn’t into the holidays anymore since Grandpa passed. How she said she tries to get excited, but it just isn’t the same for her and she still finds it difficult. I would hear how she is concerned and prays for and worries about EVERYONE in the family. Family and staying connected was her main topic of conversation. I realized she was grieving the death of her sister and that death reminded her of issues with her grief from my grandfather’s death that she had not totally dealt with. One just never thinks of their grandparents in this way.
My grandma is the last grandparent I still have in the flesh. My grandparents were always grander than life to me. They were the ones that you hung out with in the summer away from home and got beyond spoiled, they also seemed so wise, and never, ever missed sending a birthday card. My grandma still sends birthday cards to me and my sons.
She reminded me today that the little things do matter. She also reminded me of how much I am loved, even when I don’t visit as much as I used to. She also reminded me that even though one may think grandparents invincible, they get scared, fall into grief and can flourish from little things like listening, laughing and just being present from time to time. I learned that I can flourish too from this kind of exchange and that it isn’t drudgery to take the time to hang out with Grandma as she used to take the time to hang with me … it is a blessing.
And of course her mantra for the day which I should make into a refrigerator magnet…… “Do right, you just never know.”