“It is more about regaining trust in your own emotional well being”
What a year.
What a 42 months.
Even before Dean was diagnosed things changed here, for this family. After he was diagnosed there was a name for the insanity. After he passed there was a realignment of purpose.
Today is a day that a lot of people are remembering losses, especially in this country. September 11, 2001 is one of those days, that one tends to remember in incredible detail. In my life there has been a few of those. Not all of them ‘negative’ and surely this is not an all encompassing list.
– The day the Challenger exploded
– The day innocents passed because of terrorism
– The four days that mark the birthdays of my children
– The day Dean and I were married
– The day Dean left for Spirit
When incredible events happen it is sometimes hard to remember self. Even in the beauty of welcoming a new life into the world one then becomes a parent. The identity and the energy and the purpose shifts. There is a realignment.
The closer the calendar comes to the ‘one year’ date of Dean’s passing the more seems my mind wanders to my own realignment. Sometimes this realignment can happen quickly, sometimes takes a while to learn, to adjust and to make the conscious decision to realign.
That last part is often the hardest. The conscious decision making. The decision to move forward. The consciousness of realizing where one has been, what the path has been, what has been learned by walking that path, and even what people are no longer are on the particular path that is being walked.
Each and every person has her own unique pathway and walk with Spirit. Each and every person learns what he needs to learn at the time she needs to learn it. Each and every person has a choice on whether to stay at a particular point on that pathway or move forward. Each and every person has the ability to CHOOSE to move forward. Since it is a path and it is a forward walk some things do shrink in the distance. Those things are part of the path — and are beautiful because they have helped one push forward, but it is not necessary to carry or pull everything that has transverses along that path forward.
It would be so incredibly easy for me to be the poor widow. It would be very easy for me to allow memories to cripple my every day movements. I have seen this in people that come for healing and counseling. I have seen this in the people that come for readings at church. I have witnessed the inability to make any decision to move forward. I recognized how I did not want to live after Dean passed early. My advantage in that area was and is the knowledge that life is continuous and understanding that communication with Spirit to help others understand that is possible.
I don’t feel like the poor widow. I feel like Dean gave me a HUGE gift in allowing me to be a part of that path with him. I have learned about myself and my capabilities in way that I may not have if it were not for those months and years. I have learned beyond any shadow of a doubt that life is indeed continuous and that love which is developed here carries Home and is able to be shared even from the other side.
That all doesn’t mean I don’t have days of great pause. Especially when watching the children, seeing little quirks that are so incredibly genetically their dad, and navigating their questions. That is the human part of this travel. The physical part. Those days, however, always seem to be draped in the warmth and love I know is being sent by Dean. The reminders and the signs the we are part of Spirit and not a disconnected realm and that Dean is in a position to be encompassed with the love of Spirit ALL the TIME. A feeling and knowledge that often eludes us here.
The quote at the beginning of the post: “It is more about regaining trust in your own emotional well being” is from a conversation with a friend just this morning. For me, more than anything it reminded me that I am allowed to be ME and all that entails. That it is alright to step away from things that are not me, or do not further my own personal growth and stability. It is alright to keep on with my life here and not be stagnant. I AM allowed to accept love from new areas, I am allowed to NOT get involved in situations or with people that do not further that growth. Seems like a hard task, but when done with complete LOVE, understanding and the willingness to communicate my own feelings in the task of furthering my understanding and acceptance of Divine Love it become an easy decision.