Standing in the Sun

Choice

Yes, there is a choice on whether to stand in the clouds or the light.

There are many who would help those who are in the clouds – but eventually it is we who have to see and know that we are under a cloud and let the sun inside. 

Today is Four.

Four Months since Dean left for a life in Spirit.

This Four months started to sink in for me Thursday. Thursday is four months by time, today is four months by date.

Fighting like crazy to stay in the sun these past few days. Little reminders that I am not alone and the sun is there … every day — allowing me to redirect to find the sun. Drives me crazy some days that I find it hard to navigate. I was reminded during service today that sometimes the logical head and the feeling heart need to meet head on in order to find any real meaning and I know that mine are sometimes working independently.

Twice in the past few days I heard Dean’s “real” voice. 

One night I was incredibly cold. Just could not get warm. Those were cuddle nights. I heard that the heating pad was under the bed. I had to laugh. That was always a trick. I do not like the thought of electric blankets, the safety of them … but a little heating pad with an auto shut off Dean would often put under the covers on my side of the bed when he knew it was one of those nights that I was particularly cold. And the heating pad was indeed under the bed.

The second was this morning. My boots were accidentally melted against the heater one night, and it is really not sneaker weather … as I was getting ready for church this morning I was reminded that I had “teacher boots” shoved someplace in the laundry room. The more dressy boots I wore in the winter to make me look more like a professional teacher (as fashion and dressing up have never been one of my strong suit). The functionality of the boots is questionable at best but they are better than sneakers for winter walking. The “teacher boots” were indeed in a cubby in the laundry room.

Nice to know he is still looking out for me. Even with the little things. 

The number four has great meaning in that it is a very stable number. A table is more steady with four legs, there are four seasons in a year, a package is based on a square of four sides. It is is endurance, it is persistence. Four. Feels like a turning point, really. 

As I was pondering these things the past couple of days I was sent this beautiful photo. Was taken at the time that the sun was setting and the moon was rising. The hovering and straddling point between an ending and a new beginning. What struck me most in this photo, other than it being an incredible gift to share in and be apart of this moment was the green colors shining through. The color of healing light in the middle of the change between “old” and “new”. 

Wishing that I could steal a spark from the sun and burn all clouds away. Realizing that just as I have a choice to stand in the sun or be crippled under the clouds on difficult days so does everyone else. Changing gears and traveling into the “new” is sometimes scary and difficult.

Also knowing that standing in the sun sometimes takes precautions in the way of sunscreen. I was reminded many times this past week to take time for me and to rely on friends (my own personal version of sunscreen). Don’t be afraid to use your own version of sunscreen to get yourself into the sun. And in reference to the shot from above — moonlight is pretty invigorating in itself.

Choose your light .. let it shine…
“There ain’t a cloud in sight”

Unless you choose to be without the Light.