It may because of attending the Bon Jovi Concert last weekend that I have a continual run of Bon Jovi going through my brain — but this song just really hits home the past few days.

Ohhh, if there’s one thing I hang onto,
That gets me through the night.
I ain’t gonna do what I don’t want to,
I’m gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day

Friday was a total emotional breakdown day for me. I ended up at a friend’s — medicinal chocolate at the ready. I sometimes have no idea when these times are going to happen. I will be fine, fine FINE!

Breathing, living, staying very, very busy.

Heck, I just went on a couple of day trip with a friend and saw Bon Jovi — which by the way was an INCREDIBLE concert. Surely, I have been doing enough to keep myself going and doing enough that emotional breakdowns are a thing of the past.

Trying to find that perfect balance between responsibilities. The balance between studies, and opening a studio and being present for children and maybe keeping the house a little under control in terms of chores, and Reiki clients, and the work out schedule I have myself on and keeping up with those goals.

Trying to find the perfect balance in the responsibilities and the “fun” time for myself.

Trying to find the perfect balance between the responsible self and who I want to be.

Wow, is that really it? My friend hit me with that while I was in the midst of the downward spiral that landed firmly in spiraling for part of the rest of the evening after receiving the “CANCER SURVIVOR ACTIVITIES” letter from the March of Dimes gearing up for the Relay for Life this year. Uh, yeah …. perhaps there should be someone on the research staff making sure some of those survivor letters don’t go into the mail box.

I always think I am doing pretty well. The kids are pretty even, they are active. We are approaching 6 months of Dean’s passing and I have dropped from a size 16 to a size 8, have my own place to teach QiQong and Reiki, have started receiving photo clients again, and I have the honor of delivering the Easter Sunday Sermon this year and Spirit saw it fit to be sure I had enough money to sign up for the QiQong Medical Practitioner Training/Course this fall. All that is good …. so why the weird overwhelming emotional days that seem to hit out of no where?

Who are you, really? Who do you want to be?

She went on to say:
Do you know you are pretty?
Do you know you are sexy?
Do you know that you are a great help?
Do you know who you really are? — and not the career track, or the mommy track — who are you?
What do YOU want? What do YOU know? Who cares about everyone else!

WE MAKE OUR OWN REALITIES. Through our thoughts, actions, intentions.

Enter Bon Jovi — HAVE A NICE DAY!

For the first time in my life — “I’m not gonna do what I don’t want to”

For the first time in my life I am communicating with people the way I want. Sometimes it may be a little blunt, sometimes it may be a little more sentimental than some people can handle; sometimes I “ditch” the kids and go play screaming/dancing teenager at a concert; sometimes I just tell people it is not something I can do or want to do (I would never do that before); sometimes I keep to myself at very public places and just take in the atmosphere. The biggest thing for me is saying now what I want to say when I want to say it. This as opposed to mulling it over forever and wondering how it is going to be perceived. I mean, really, if you want to tell someone you are uncomfortable and to back off … just do it, and if you want to let people know you love them, then let them know. I am not perfect at it yet … but there is a change. Certainly more who I am than at any other time.

Surly there will be plenty of time once we all meet again in Spirit to say everything we should have said and wanted to say –BUT– the sorrys, the I love yous, they should never wait.Why do they make people so uncomfortable?

Still working on all of that. I think we all keep learning and growing and becoming who we really are during our entire stay on this planet. There are so many things sometimes we do not let ourselves hear about ourselves, coming from our intuition voices, our angles voices, our connection to the Universe.

As I am figuring it out — as I am using my voice more — as I am discovering who I am, REALLY, well beyond widow, caretaker, mom and teacher —

Hope some of you will join me …..

“Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day”

BTW This song was AMAZING live 🙂

“When the world gets in my face I say HAVE A NICE DAY!”
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