“Everyone will ultimately express their inner pain – everyone. If they are unable to articulate it, they will write about it or artistically express it.”
I saw this quote this morning on my usual run through social media.
I battle against the silence of inner pain every day in this house. My two younger children have a very hard time expressing what it is that is bothering them. They will stomp around, they will scream at the top of their lungs — and not just any scream, a frustrated primal let it all out kind of scream.
I have often though that it would be great to just let lose like that and release the frustration and anger of the moment and the day. Yet, standing in the yard with fists clenched and just letting out a grand scream isn’t really socially acceptable behavior.
I guess in that way their inner frustrations are not very quiet — but without words it is really hard for me to know why their behavior is manifesting in a scream.
My children have struggled since their Dad died a little over two years ago. The 7 year old started receiving intervention services while his daddy was sick — that started when he was three years old.
Children don’t have the capability to put into words the feelings they are having and express it in such a way that it can be managed and released without some kind of outburst. My 6 year old has started scribbling on papers when frustrated. He also expressed in drawings and simple words on paper what is going on in his heart.
In November the Kindergarden classroom my son is in discussed what it was to be thankful and then they created a drawing about their particular reason for thanks. He said that he was grateful for God. Then in trying to express God on paper and in a drawing he created clouds and his Daddy floating with the clouds and angels. It was not until I saw that picture that I understood the depth of the pain going on in my little guy. He does some crazy things that no one understands, like the screaming, or throwing all his blankets from his bed on the floor. I knew he was frustrated … but until he drew, the words he could find no expression for came through.
His brother, in first grade, in in a similar boat. Although he also is struggling just getting to school. I had to sit with him for a while this morning to find out that he is just so completely bored at school that he finds it painful to go. The school has been great with working with his personality quirks and he is allowed time in a room for kids that tend to be frustrated. During one of these times he was asked to create something. He created a book. Wow, The kid can write. In his stories I found a sensitivity to everything around him. He sees what he believes are injustices all around. Kids taking sleds from each other without asking, the folly in needing to have a winner in a game he was told was ‘just for fun’, and how come some people have more things than other people? This all turns into him trying to be good and sometimes a little too perfect and when he falls short the frustrated eruption takes place.
The kids and I have an appointment today to help them with their angst and expressing. We started doing things like Yoga and QiGong together (although the last couple of sessions ended up in living-room wrestling matches). We started doing little types of meditations designed for children. I take them to healing circle with me as often as I can so they can see that even adults have to help each other. All good stuff. I find, though, that when you are working with your own children, and sometimes those that are closest to you it is not always easy to have an objective view, it is good to call in someone that will add an extra layer of support another voice,…… another point of view.
I know once the children can learn and feel safe expressing in a way that is not erupting, … more healing is possible. The skill will help them the rest of their lives. In the safe release and the expression that allows total honesty in what it is we are feeling in whatever form they are able to understand, learn and use will allow for them to be more stable in their relations with others. It will also allow for an understanding that others do not always see the world in the way that they do and in properly sharing the expression an understanding between individuals can take place. Healing really starts here. Healing starts with first knowing what is bugging us and then, if needed, having a conversation with another about that bug. Bugs that sit too long without removal tend to fester and cause all kinds of issues. Looking forward to helping my youngest children learn how to identify bugs when they come around and remove the bugs from their lives.