Every Illness Teaches Something

I have been dealing with a sinus issue lately that is turning into a laryngitis issue. I haven’t dealt with anything like this for several years. Kind of took me by surprise. When I took the time to look at the illness energetically, however, words like resentment and bitterness came to the surface. 

Resentment. Powerful word. Although, if I am completely honest with myself, I can see where I have been ignoring the release of that said emotion. 

The kids have been doing really, really well lately. The big ones are back in college and the little ones in grade school. Seems that as they are doing well, they also need more. I have one son buying a car and talking about a company he knows of that is hiring kids in his major right away, another who is trying to understand his college finances and it is a struggle to be sure he has enough to stay at his chosen school. The little ones want to do all the fun family things that are available. The school district we live in has many activities and fun raisers. Fun Fests, Special Halloween treat opportunities, there are also a couple of pumpkin/fall fun farms in the area. They have been having a blast. I have been keenly aware that these places are filled with families. Now, I know there are all types of families. Yet, at At one event when another mother asked how we were enjoying the event and my comment was that my only complaint at that moment was that the boys had run off in two different directions and it was hard to keep track of them. Her comment was that was why she always made sure her husband and her did these things together. I felt like I got punched right in the stomach. 

Soon after that incident things started happening at home. Light bulbs going out, sweeper getting clogged, car needing repaired, computers being a pain, camera charger gone missing, spiders thinking my bed was a good place to crawl at 2 AM and the distinct sound of a mouse in my bedroom. To top it off a letter from some tax people that think there is some discrepancy with Dean’s tax stuff from 2011. All little every day stuff, really. Yet, all stuff that was not my jurisdiction. Crazy how more of it has not come up in the last couple of years.  I guess I have been spoiled a bit. Not only has the Universe not thrown too much of that my way lately but when Dean was here he would have just taken care of every single one of the things on the list. I would have been teased endlessly about the mouse and spider, but they would have both disappeared. 

I would have never thought I had resentment. But, yeah, I think I resented that I had to take care of the list and everything else our family needs. Things I would have never thought would push a resentment button. So, now that it is recognized I can let it go, hopefully recognize it sooner if it ever comes up again. I don’t even like the sound of the word resentment let along the feeling that it carries. The real trick with emotions is not to become them. Recognize them, realize that you need to deal with something or learn something and move one. That is how we are able to maintain peace with ourselves within a world of swirling emotions. Not dealing with things, at least in my case, caused uncomfortable symptoms that now also have be to dealt with. 

I also realized that I had not been as diligent about my daily gratitude list as I had been. How easy it is to go to a lesser emotional vibration when one doesn’t remember to be grateful. And, even though the list of happenings brought up what resentment feels like, I am thankful for each and every one of them for teaching me that even if I don’t like something or it isn’t in my immediate gift set that I am capable of figuring it out and doing. —- well, maybe not so thankful for the 2AM spider.